@Sarah
"Change is a good thing but there comes a point when you need to embrace the changes you've made and be happy. Some people are constantly changing themselves and they never stop to see who they have become."
Being a neurotic perfectionist, I doubt I will ever be able to just relax and stop trying to change (or in my mind, to be better than I was before). There is something about complacency and satisfaction that scares me. I'm not saying I'm right to be afraid, I'm just explaining my mode of thinking. Here's how it works in my mind: If this life is a journey, and I stop to smell the roses for too long or get a little too comfortable in my current state, I will be left behind. I'm not sure by whom or what, but this is how my crazy brain operates. Surely, as I said in the "Change IS Possible" post, change comes, regardless if we want it to or not. Perhaps, my working to create the change myself is just another manifestation of my control freakishness. Undoubtedly, there has to be a balance between striving to do better each day and celebrating accomplishments. I think keeping this blog (my public journal, of sorts), will be a good way for me to "stop to see who I am becoming" (I don't think we see who we've "become" until "becoming" is over). Over time, I hope there will be a progression of topics, attitude, and emotions, which will reflect my achievement of personal goals. In fact, I'd like to take a second to see who I am becoming, and celebrate a few personal changes I have made and goals I have achieved over the last few months:
- I have read from the scriptures with my children nearly every day for going on 10 weeks.
- I have had family prayer with my children nearly every day for nearly 12 weeks.
- In the last three months, I have missed holding an actual Family Home Evening lesson with my children only once (due to Parent Teacher Conferences).
- I have joined the choir at my church, along with my two oldest children. (This is something I remember doing with my father, one of the few things that allowed me to actually spend time with him, and something I love to do, but previously had not felt I was able to without taking more time away from my family.)
- I have not cried at all today ... yet (mostly because I was too busy singing, cleaning, and rearranging furniture).
- I enjoyed a root beer float, after eating the family dinner staple, a bean burrito (or bean burro, as we called them growing up).
"The mistake most people make is that they equate 'perfection' with 'the best that I can.' That's an incorrect assumption. ... When I have a realization of what I want to change and how to do it, I write down right then *WHY* I want to effect that change. Then, in times of wavering commitment, I pull out that sheet. I then review it, and it revives a lot of the motivation."
I absolutely LOVE this idea. As a homework assignment from my therapist, I wrote out a personal mission statement (props to Stephen Covey). My statement ended up being two pages describing the person I am (deep, deep, deep down in some instances) or the person I want to be. Next, I listed the goals which will help me realize those attitudes and behaviors. I believe the step of writing down the "why" for each component of my personal mission statement will be crucial to my maintaining the changes I am making. I'm assigning myself this homework, due ASAP!
Gilbert_Sundevil
"we need to do our best to enjoy life while we are working on becoming our better selves. It's a tough challenge to walk the line of self awareness of our faults without falling into beating ourselves up. But if we dwell to much (or with too much harshness) on our faults, we will be miserable for the rest of our lives. So, here's to enjoying yourself where you are, warts and all."
There are definitely personality traits, maybe even warts, which I enjoy about myself, maybe even feel grateful I have. For example, to some, my lack of maturity and quirky sense of humor may be annoying and obnoxious, but it provides me (and my children and students and a few understanding friends) with hours of entertainment. However, there are faults which I absolutely hate about myself, because they are self-destructive and cause not only me but others pain. For years, I have wished I could take a melon baller and just scoop those craptacular qualities out, toss them aside, forget they exist. But then I'd be left with pits and pock marks. Rather, I should be working to make my weaknesses my strengths; instead of removing them, I should be transforming them.
In The Continuous Atonement (2009), Brad Wilcox gives a powerful analogy of repentance, which I think can also apply to our strengthening ourselves where we are weak, fortifying ourselves where we are flawed. He talks about the beauty of marble stone, saying, "What makes it beautiful is not that it is free from imperfections. If it were clear and white, with no flaws, it would look plastic and artificial. The marble is beautiful and useful because of the dark veins, not in spite of them. When we repent, our sins are gone, but the memories linger, just like these dark lines. However, as we keep our covenants and experience the sanctifying influence of the Spirit, it is as if those dark lines are polished over time. They actually become part of our beauty" (p.193-194).
This passage reminded me of one of my many favorite quotes: "Life is a grindstone and whether it grinds a man down or polishes him up depends on the stuff he's made of." Lately, I feel like I'm made of marshmallows and corn chips. However, I know that under that mushy, crumbling exterior stands a strong woman.
So, here's to being grateful for my "warts and all" (though, I prefer Wilcox's "dark veins," since warts are not so easy to polish). I'm not sure I'm ready to enjoy them yet, but I can definitely be grateful for the learning and growth I have done and am doing because of them.
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