If it takes 21 consecutive days for our brains to stop resisting change, how long does it take to actually effect change in our lives? According to several self-help websites, it takes 40 days to change a bad behavior, habit, or attitude into a good one (or to start a new behavior altogether), 90 days for that positive or new behavior to become a pattern in your life, 120 days for the behavior to become synonymous with who you are, and 1,000 days to master and refine this behavior (“Change of Habit”).
I think getting past the first 21 days is often the hardest. If someone truly wants to make a change in her life, she has several choices: resist the change, force the change, or “… get out the way” (tips her hat to Ludacris) because change is acomin’, like it or not.
I find it funny (sad and strange funny, not knee-slapping funny) that so many of us have desired change in our lives and almost pretended to try, for a few days, even a couple of weeks, but the inconsistency and lack of determination became symptoms of resistance. According to a popular yoga website, some of the signs of resistance are: “Complaining, gossiping, over-sleeping, an increase in bad habits like watching TV for too long or drinking alcohol, blaming, repeating the same conversations or story, recurring mistakes, use of generalized words like 'always' or 'never', and drama” (“Resist-change”).
I have made major changes in my life recently, some of which I have done well to make it past the 21 days, and others for which I have had to reset the 21-day clock multiple times. Despite the slippage, the phrase, “two steps forward, one step back” points out I am making progress … one step at a time.
I have made major changes in my life recently, some of which I have done well to make it past the 21 days, and others for which I have had to reset the 21-day clock multiple times. Despite the slippage, the phrase, “two steps forward, one step back” points out I am making progress … one step at a time.
One thing I have noticed, during the 21 days phase, is the initial enthusiasm (for most of the changes) provided the momentum to start. For other changes, I was dreading the process and. instead of enthusiasm. I had anger and frustration; however, this emotional energy also provided momentum.
When I was young, our half acre garden consisted entirely of rows and rows of corn (have you seen Children of the Corn? Yeah, another story for another day). Every few days, my dad would wake us girls fairly early, as to avoid the summer heat, and tell us to “Get out there and hoe a row.” Begrudgingly, I would drag my sleepy body to the yellow shed out back, and grab a garden hoe. By the time I had finished yawning, the frustration had set in. Why can’t I sleep a few more hours? It’s summertime! Why do I have to work in the garden? I don’t even like corn! Ugh! I didn’t even want this stupid garden anyway! If he wants it, he should weed it! The diatribe flooded my mind like the muddy water rushing down the irrigation ditch alongside the field. By the time I found my way to my “row” I as fuming. Shaped out of selfishness and fostered by immaturity, my anger fueled my body, making me much faster at completing the chore. Even 20 years later, that same negative emotion has the powerful potential to propel me toward the end of whatever “row” I may have to “hoe.”
When I was young, our half acre garden consisted entirely of rows and rows of corn (have you seen Children of the Corn? Yeah, another story for another day). Every few days, my dad would wake us girls fairly early, as to avoid the summer heat, and tell us to “Get out there and hoe a row.” Begrudgingly, I would drag my sleepy body to the yellow shed out back, and grab a garden hoe. By the time I had finished yawning, the frustration had set in. Why can’t I sleep a few more hours? It’s summertime! Why do I have to work in the garden? I don’t even like corn! Ugh! I didn’t even want this stupid garden anyway! If he wants it, he should weed it! The diatribe flooded my mind like the muddy water rushing down the irrigation ditch alongside the field. By the time I found my way to my “row” I as fuming. Shaped out of selfishness and fostered by immaturity, my anger fueled my body, making me much faster at completing the chore. Even 20 years later, that same negative emotion has the powerful potential to propel me toward the end of whatever “row” I may have to “hoe.”
While getting past the resistance phase is important, the most rewarding phase is making it to the end of 40 days. The 40 days speaks success to me for several reasons, not simply because it is nearly double the initial 21 days, but because 40 is such a spiritually significant number.
There is instance after instance in the Bible where God provides opportunity for important changes in His people during a 40-day period (or 40 years, if they don’t quite get it, cough, the Israelites, cough).
When I think about Noah and the cleansing process during the 40 days and nights of rain (Gen 7:12), I think about my own life and the cleansing process I am going through as I implement changes during these 40 days.
When I think about Noah waiting 40 days to open the window of the Ark (Gen 8:6), I think of the figurative windows in my life that will be opened through this 40 day process.
When I think of the Egyptian embalming ritual, which takes 40 days to prepare the body for the afterlife (Gen 50:3), I think of these 40 days as preparation for my new life.
When I think of Moses on the mountain with God for 40 days (Exo 24:18, Exo 34:28-29, Deu 10:10), I think of myself praying, reading my scriptures, and communing with God during these 40 days, hopefully to come down from my mountain with more knowledge and peace.
When I think of Jonah warning the people of Nineveh they had 40 days to repent and be spared (Jonah 3:4 and 10), I think of myself repenting of my many flaws and making changes so that God will spare me and my family further sadness or pain.
And, when I think of Christ fasting for 40 days in the wilderness, while enduring Satan’s repeated temptations (Mat 3:17, Mat 4:1-2), I think of the temptations I have and will have to face during this process of giving up my bad habits, and the peace I will find because of 40 days of unwavering obedience.
As many of us are starting 2011 with New Year’s Resolutions, trying to break bad habits, begin new habits, or change our lives in some way, I want to challenge you (and myself) to do whatever it takes to make it through 21 consecutive days. Once we make it through the resisting phase, we can reset the goal to make it another 19 days to hit the 40 day mark, and by so doing we will find we have begun to transform our lives.
Websites Referenced:
http://www.kalavati.org/change-of-habit.html
http://www.kalavati.org/resist-change.html
5 comments:
I was just teaching my AVID kids about the 21 days- that it takes that long to make a new habit. I didn't know about the other part though, so I am going to teach them about the other numbers.
Also interesting is from Outliers, which Jay is reading right now and that it takes 10,000 hours to get to mastery. Like when you see a lot of our kiddos who win Sterling Scholar for music or dance- they have probably been dancing,singing, playing the violin for 10,000 hours from ages 5-17. Or look at Olympic athletes, etc. It seems like I've been doing French for at least 10,000 hours, but I don't know that I've mastered it. ;)
I'm on boar!! There is no better way to start out a year than with enthusiasm to make important, sometime critical, changes in our lives. While striving for the 21 and ever coveted 40 days, it's important for me to keep in mind, like you pointed out, that I may not be perfect right away. It may take me repenting to myself and starting again. But most importantly not to beat myself up because I wasn't perfect on my first attempt.
Even my GPS keeps saying over and over again...Recalulating! There is something to be said for change, starting over, and allowing ourselves know that we are giving and doing our best.
@La Dolce Vita with LeAnn,
I struggle with doing everything I can/doing my best, and still don't find my GPS pointing me to the direction I desire.
At some point, I suppose I need to recalculate my destination so I can stop being so discouraged.
I know you can do it. Believe in yourself. "Get behind the..."
Have faith, hope and charity. Love Heavenly Father, provide service and have love of self. That's what we were taught this past weekend.
No doubt the refiners fire is at work here.
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