Internalizing

The phrase “easier said than done” echoes regularly in my mind … most often after listening to or reading some sensible advice on how I should conduct my life or adjust my attitude. I get it, I really do. I understand intellectually what I should think and how I should act, but internalizing and embracing that concept is, well, easier said than done.

(I have been ridiculously good, however, at a different kind of internalization. Rather than deal with a conflict or express an emotion, I have kept it all in, guarding myself and my feelings from others. This speaks to what I’ve been reading on the concept of boundaries, and letting the bad out and the good in. But that topic is for a later blog post. For this post, I’m focusing on internalizing as in the adoption of beliefs or attitudes.)

A few weeks ago, we took the kids to dinner at our favorite local Chinese restaurant. To avoid fights and to give each of the boys the opportunity to have a voice in making family decisions, we allow them to take a turn choosing where we go out to eat. This particular night it was my eldest’s choice and luckily, regardless of the automatic groaning from his brothers, they all enjoy Chinese food.

Per custom, at the end of the meal, we each lifted our fortune cookies, broke them, and took a turn reading the random messages within. What happened next took me a bit by surprise and I didn’t know whether to laugh or to gag. My second son, after reading his fortune, promptly folded the slip of paper into a tiny square and popped it into his mouth.

“What are you doing?” I quizzed, a horrified look on my face.

“I’m making my fortune come true!” he pronounced, his smile beaming with confidence, “I’ll eat yours, too, if you want!”

Apparently, my sister’s sons (the oldest and therefore most influential cousins) had convinced my boys that if they wanted their fortunes to come true they must eat them.

This method of internalization, while unconventional, seemed to contain a kernel of wisdom: the faith, hope, and belief that if I take this information into my soul it will happen – it will come true. For me, what is it? It is the information, the words I am studying, the advice from people far wiser than myself. It is the change that will happen within my heart.

This experience reminded me of a similar concept I had read in The Continuous Atonement. Wilcox (2009) discusses the sacrament (or the Holy Communion, the Eucharist, the Lord’s Supper, the shewbread and wine, or whatever your church may call this rite) and the internalization, both literal and symbolic, that occurs with partaking of the sacred emblems (the bread and water, wine, or grape juice).  “For members of Christ’s church, the bread of the sacrament represents Christ’s body, the water His blood. But without us, those blessed emblems merely sit in trays. We must pick them up and put them inside. We must internalize Jesus’ offering. That’s how we thank Jesus for all He has done – by accepting His love, remembering His sacrifice, and applying His teachings and Atonement in our lives. Christ’s gifts are freely given, but they must also be freely received” (p.38).

So, just like the sacrament and just like my son’s Chinese fortune, I must put these things I am reading inside and make them a part of who I am. In the same way Wilcox (2009) admonishes me to accept, remember, and apply the Atonement, I must internalize the information I am studying by accepting, remembering, and applying that information.

I accept as I highlight passages that speak to me.

I remember as I analyze, write about, and share what I have gleaned.

I apply as I live each day, trying to do my best, challenging myself to do better, remembering I am not perfect, exercising faith, forgiving freely, finding hope in the future, crying less, smiling more, and “faking it ‘til I make it.”

And eventually, I hope, instead of thinking, “Easier said than done,” I can say, “I have done what I said and it has eased my mind.”